Day Five

Today is April 22, 2017.

Sorry I skipped yesterday. I really was feeling in the dumps. I didn’t even end up eating much. I had the rest of my soup from the day before and I also had 2 fish sticks. I just didn’t feel like eating much. 

Breakfast

I had the almost the same breakfast as a couple days ago. A piece of bread, a tsp of margarine, a slice of cheese. I also had one probiotic yogurt. Nothing special. 

Total calories is 270. 

Lunch 

For lunch I had one cup of quinoa/rice mix, one cup of green/yellow beans and I had one fresh egg from a farm. I thought I’d try the eggs out. I fried it in 2 tsp of olive oil. 

Total calories is 540. 


Dinner

For dinner we got surprised by my boyfriends mom to go to a&w and she would pay. I just got a blt chubby chicken burger cause it had a whole wheat bun and a small amount of veggies at least lol. 

Total calories is 630. 

Exercise

Nothing to report. 

Mental/Spiritual Health 

Today I feel not happy but not like I was yesterday at least. I think getting over things takes some time. I just need to be gentle with myself I guess. 

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Day Four

Today is April 20, 2017.

I don’t know how I feel today. I’ve been really lazy. I literally just finished 13 Reasons Why and I found it really good. As a person who struggles with depression, I like how it emphasizes the other people or circumstances that can cause someone to be depressed. They always focus on the person with depression but we never try and change the world so that people aren’t assholes or the fact that we should be acknowledging people’s emotions in general. The world tries to suppress their emotions but it makes people internalize it and makes people think that the world is against them and to say anything is seen as “weak.” Were forced to put on masks all the time and we shouldn’t. People need support and they need love. Think about someone you know and ask them if they are okay. Ask them if they need someone to listen. Ask them if they need support. You never know if this small act will save a life or if this small act will make someone feel love in a life where they feel isolated. We need more kindness, support and love in the world. 

Breakfast 

I had a really unhealthy breakfast today. Sometimes I just feel like eating dairy even though it causes me grief. (Pretty sure I’m lactose intolerant) I had two pieces of toast with 2 tsp of butter and 2 slices of cheese. I also had a probiotic yogurt

Total calories is 450. 


Lunch 

My lunch was a little bit healthier. I had 1 1/2 cups of salad with 1 tsp of olive oil and dulse flakes, 1 1/2 cups of frozen veggies and I also had cabbage roll soup. Here’s the link to the recipe: Cabbage Roll Soup

Total calories is 554. 

Dinner

I ended up eating 4 pieces of pizza. I just gave up like usual. 

Total calories? Who knows. 

Exercise

None. 

Mental/Spiritual Health

That show 13 Reasons Why really hit home.  I finished watching it. Now I kind of just feel depressed cause I can relate to the main character on so many levels. Other than bullying or teenage life, her feelings are the same as mine. I think I understood her too much. I’ve kinda just spent all of the evening and even today (the next day) depressed. I’ve lost faith in people, lost trust, and I honestly just want to be alone

Sorry if this blog is a day late. The previous paragraph will explain. I’ve been struggling with intense depression for awhile now. It’s something I’m trying to work through and do my best at. I’m sorry these blogs kind of took a down turn. You never know what life is going to throw at you and sometimes it’s really hard. 

Day Three

Today is April 19, 2017. 

I’m feeling a bit better today.. so far. So I think I may be able to do some extra stuff today. I was thinking about going for a walk later. I think I just need time to heal from what happened still. It was a kind of traumatizing event for me to lose someone like that so suddenly then have to try and trust them again when they came back. I guess I’m too hard on myself.

Also for the note, I do write these blogs as I go on with my day so if things seem to change rapidly while you read this, that’s why. 

Breakfast

My breakfast was simple again. I just scrambled 3 eggs with a little bit of seasoning salt and pepper. I also added some dulse flakes as well. I’m trying to stay away from too much oil cause I can tell it makes my insides very sluggish right now because I used to eat a lot of fatty foods. I also had a cup of blueberries, 1/2 cup of cherries and 1/2 of a banana with cinnamon on top. 

Total calories is 413. 


Lunch

Today I tried something different but still using my leftovers. I had salad with dulse flakes. And I also made black bean burgers with 2 tbsp of ketchup and fried them in 1 tbsp of coconut oil. Here is recipe:

  • 1 egg white
  • 1 cup black beans 
  • 1/2 cup quinoa/rice mix
  • Tbsp minced garlic
  • 1/2 tbsp taco seasoning
  • 1/2 tbsp chili powder

Then you just mix all together and fry in a small amount of oil. 

Total calories is 570. 

Dinner
So I’m coming to the conclusion that I suck at this and that my dinner time is always going to suck haha. It’s just so hard to cook delicious junk for my boyfriend and then not eat it myself. I try and keep my portion down though. Anyways, I made homemade fried chicken in a Thai sweet chili sauce. And I made makeshift mac and cheese with elbow macaroni and cheese whiz. For the fried chicken I just used 2 cups bisquick with paprika, chili powder and garlic powder and I beat 3 eggs. I just dipped the chicken in the flour then the eggs then the flour again and after I just coated it all with Thai sweet chili sauce. 

Total calories around 965.. I failed lol. 


Exercise 

Well I started watching 13 Reasons Why so I just potatoed again haha. I really have to get myself motivated to at least go for a walk. 

Mental/Spiritual Health

Today was a better day. Not totally better but better than yesterday. I’m still feeling some pain but I’m trying to receive love more and not just cut everyone off because I feel scared of people leaving me. I tend to do this when I get hurt. Just keep swimming

Day Two

Today is April 18, 2017.

I’ve been feeling lots of grief and heartbreak from me and my boyfriend breaking up for a week a week ago. Even though we got back together I still feel the emotions. I’ve been feeling unwanted and unloved still. It was so sudden and I felt like I had lost everything for that week. He has been wanting space and unfortunately for me, I have some codependency issues I need to work on. So of course for a person like me, space means unloved and unwanted. I know I need to start depending on myself but it’s hard when you’ve always depended on others. I know I need self love, but it’s hard when you’ve never loved yourself. These things torment me. Now I have to go to work with these feelings. But what can you do but keep going forward? 

Breakfast 

Today’s breakfast was nothing special. I had another one of those smoothies I had yesterday but only drank half I also had two end pieces of toast because I ran out of bread with 2 tbsp of peanut butter

Total calories was 553

Lunch 

I drank a bit more of my smoothie cause I ran out of time before work. Apparently I only had orientation today so I got sent home early. Kind of sucks cause now I’m just sitting at home doing nothing. I had leftovers from yesterday. No pictures today because it was the same as yesterday. Not everyday can be exciting lol. Maybe my supper will be better though. 

  • 1/2 cup quinoa/rice mix 
  • 1/2 cup black beans
  • 3/4 cup green beans
  • Seasoned with garlic powder, taco seasoning and dulse 

Total calories 444 

Dinner

Well I failed yet again. Dinner always seems to be the hardest time for me because it’s when I crave the junk food. Didn’t do that bad though because I refrained from eating too much though. I made a homemade bacon alfredo with fuselli pasta. I only had about a cup of it. It might balance out though cause I didn’t finish the rest of my smoothie. Here’s the recipe:

  • 2 cups milk
  • 1 1/2 cups marble cheese
  • 3 tbsp flour
  • 4 tbsp margarine 
  • Garlic powder and black pepper 
  • 6 strips bacon 
  • One box of smart fuselli pasta

Total calories is 652 

Exercise

Nothing to report here. I ended up not being at my job long like I had hoped. 

Mental/Spiritual Health

Today wasn’t a good day for me. My depression got the best of me today. Sometimes this happens though as I am human. I hope tomorrow I can perk up a little bit and maybe actually start doing things. But I’m not here to report me being fake happy so this is my reality right now. 

Day One

Today is April 17, 2017. 

Two years ago around this time I fell off the bandwagon within a day (for writing blogs at least.) I hope to make it a little farther this time around haha. I think most of my blogs will be a what I ate in a day/what I did in a day that relates to my health on all levels. Anyways here we go! 

Weight and How I’m Feeling Health Wise

So this time last year I gained an extra 20 pounds which seemed like out of no where but a couple months later I got diagnosed with Lupus. I think my weight gain may have also been due to the extra stress I had in my life as well. If you read my About Me you can see all the other issues I deal with on a daily basis as well. Anyways, I weighed myself today and I am sitting at 195.4 pounds. This is about as heavy as I’ve ever been in my life. At 5’3, this is quite a bit to me. On the other hand, in the past 6 months I’ve felt a lot better than I have in the past 2 years. I’m not 100% by any means, probably only 60% but that’s a lot considering where I was at. I’ve done a lot of emotional work over the years which has helped greatly. I think I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I can start healing without feeling bogged down by absolutely everything

Here’s what my body looks like at 195.4 pounds. 

Breakfast 

I don’t really have that many groceries in the house right now unfortunately so I kind of had to wing it to come up with something healthy to eat for breakfast. I had two eggs just fried without oil on a pan and I added pepper, taco seasoning and dulse flakes. I’m not going to add a picture of that cause it wasn’t the prettiest haha. But I also had a smoothie with:

  • One Banana
  • 1/2 Aloe Vera Juice bottle (didn’t have the water I usually use)
  • 3/4 cup Wild organic blueberries
  • 1/2 cup Dark cherries 
  • 1 tbsp Chia seeds 

Total calories was 485


    Lunch 

    My lunch was very cheap and simple. Like I said, I don’t have much for groceries so I just gotta make due. I ended up making a quinoa/wild rice bowl with black beans and frozen veggies. I also had a size of green beans. I seasoned it with taco seasoning, garlic powder and dulse flakes. The recipe is super simple but here it is:

    • 1/2 cup quinoa/wild rice mix
    • 1/2 cup black beans 
    • 3/4 cup frozen veggies 
    • Tsp garlic powder
    • Tsp taco seasoning 
    • Tsp dulse flakes
    • 3/4 cup green beans 

    Total calories was 308

    Dinner

    And sometimes I fall off the bandwagon on the first day.. lol. I cook for me and my boyfriend so sometimes it’s hard to eat well when he doesn’t like healthy food cause I’m too lazy to cook two meals. I also have a bit of an over eating problem too which doesn’t help. I did try and throw in a bit of green as well as kept my calories under my limit. Also for the record, I am counting calories because I do have an over eating issue. Otherwise I’m more about eating for nutrition more than anything.. sometimes haha. But hey, I’m human and you just gotta pick yourself up and try again

    Anyways, for supper I made fish sticks and perogies. I also have a bit of salad with dulse flakes (seriously trying to get iodine) and a small amount of ranch dressing. Here’s to eating good again tomorrow. 😛

    Total calories is 735. 


    Exercise 

    I didn’t actually exercise today but I did clean a bit as well as spent a good half hour outside trying to scrub off duct tape from my car window so I’m sure that helped a bit. Tomorrow I start work at a greenhouse so I will definitely have some exercise tomorrow. 

    Mental/Spiritual Health

    I am looking to start doing yoga/meditation here soon when I have time. I also like to watch self help videos often. I did a forgiveness exercise today to help me forgive an important person to me so I can move on from the past. I totally believe it is just as important to nurture your mental and spiritual self as well as your physical self. 

    So that concludes today I think. 🙂 

    The Beginning

    So today is April 17, 2017. It’s been two years since I last wrote a blog and man, has everything changed. I am 22 years old now and unfortunately have been diagnosed with Lupus one year ago, on top of everything else. I also packed on an extra 20 pounds in the past 2 years as well. I went through such a hard time these past few years. I was suicidal, lost, confused and very scared. Only in the past 6 months has things slowly improved instead of got worse. 

    I had a lot of health issues these past 2 years, both physical and mental. I decided that in revamping this blog, I would include more than just my physical health but also my mental and even my spiritual health as well. Over these past few years I went through what one would call a “spiritual awakening.” Now, I’ve always been on this sort of path but it wasn’t until my world collasped around me that I truly began to change. 

    I know now the importance of the balance of the mind/body/spirit. You cannot have health in one area if the other areas are sick. So in addition to diet/health blogs I will also be posting blogs on my mental health/emotions as well as my adventures in spirituality

    I’m not looking to hide any aspect of who I am and I hope through my blogs, everyone can connect in some way to them. I am hoping to give people a voice through my words and to help people along the way through my own experiences and struggles.