Today is April 22, 2017.
Sorry I skipped yesterday. I really was feeling in the dumps. I didn’t even end up eating much. I had the rest of my soup from the day before and I also had 2 fish sticks. I just didn’t feel like eating much.
I had the almost the same breakfast as a couple days ago. A piece of bread, a tsp of margarine, a slice of cheese. I also had one probiotic yogurt. Nothing special.
Total calories is 270.
For lunch I had one cup of quinoa/rice mix, one cup of green/yellow beans and I had one fresh egg from a farm. I thought I’d try the eggs out. I fried it in 2 tsp of olive oil.
Total calories is 540.
For dinner we got surprised by my boyfriends mom to go to a&w and she would pay. I just got a blt chubby chicken burger cause it had a whole wheat bun and a small amount of veggies at least lol.
Total calories is 630.
Nothing to report.
Today I feel not happy but not like I was yesterday at least. I think getting over things takes some time. I just need to be gentle with myself I guess.
Today is April 19, 2017.
I’m feeling a bit better today.. so far. So I think I may be able to do some extra stuff today. I was thinking about going for a walk later. I think I just need time to heal from what happened still. It was a kind of traumatizing event for me to lose someone like that so suddenly then have to try and trust them again when they came back. I guess I’m too hard on myself.
Also for the note, I do write these blogs as I go on with my day so if things seem to change rapidly while you read this, that’s why.
My breakfast was simple again. I just scrambled 3 eggs with a little bit of seasoning salt and pepper. I also added some dulse flakes as well. I’m trying to stay away from too much oil cause I can tell it makes my insides very sluggish right now because I used to eat a lot of fatty foods. I also had a cup of blueberries, 1/2 cup of cherries and 1/2 of a banana with cinnamon on top.
Total calories is 413.
Today I tried something different but still using my leftovers. I had salad with dulse flakes. And I also made black bean burgers with 2 tbsp of ketchup and fried them in 1 tbsp of coconut oil. Here is recipe:
- 1 egg white
- 1 cup black beans
- 1/2 cup quinoa/rice mix
- Tbsp minced garlic
- 1/2 tbsp taco seasoning
- 1/2 tbsp chili powder
Then you just mix all together and fry in a small amount of oil.
Total calories is 570.
So I’m coming to the conclusion that I suck at this and that my dinner time is always going to suck haha. It’s just so hard to cook delicious junk for my boyfriend and then not eat it myself. I try and keep my portion down though. Anyways, I made homemade fried chicken in a Thai sweet chili sauce. And I made makeshift mac and cheese with elbow macaroni and cheese whiz. For the fried chicken I just used 2 cups bisquick with paprika, chili powder and garlic powder and I beat 3 eggs. I just dipped the chicken in the flour then the eggs then the flour again and after I just coated it all with Thai sweet chili sauce.
Total calories around 965.. I failed lol.
Well I started watching 13 Reasons Why so I just potatoed again haha. I really have to get myself motivated to at least go for a walk.
Today was a better day. Not totally better but better than yesterday. I’m still feeling some pain but I’m trying to receive love more and not just cut everyone off because I feel scared of people leaving me. I tend to do this when I get hurt. Just keep swimming.
Today is April 18, 2017.
I’ve been feeling lots of grief and heartbreak from me and my boyfriend breaking up for a week a week ago. Even though we got back together I still feel the emotions. I’ve been feeling unwanted and unloved still. It was so sudden and I felt like I had lost everything for that week. He has been wanting space and unfortunately for me, I have some codependency issues I need to work on. So of course for a person like me, space means unloved and unwanted. I know I need to start depending on myself but it’s hard when you’ve always depended on others. I know I need self love, but it’s hard when you’ve never loved yourself. These things torment me. Now I have to go to work with these feelings. But what can you do but keep going forward?
Today’s breakfast was nothing special. I had another one of those smoothies I had yesterday but only drank half I also had two end pieces of toast because I ran out of bread with 2 tbsp of peanut butter.
Total calories was 553
I drank a bit more of my smoothie cause I ran out of time before work. Apparently I only had orientation today so I got sent home early. Kind of sucks cause now I’m just sitting at home doing nothing. I had leftovers from yesterday. No pictures today because it was the same as yesterday. Not everyday can be exciting lol. Maybe my supper will be better though.
- 1/2 cup quinoa/rice mix
- 1/2 cup black beans
- 3/4 cup green beans
- Seasoned with garlic powder, taco seasoning and dulse
Total calories 444
Well I failed yet again. Dinner always seems to be the hardest time for me because it’s when I crave the junk food. Didn’t do that bad though because I refrained from eating too much though. I made a homemade bacon alfredo with fuselli pasta. I only had about a cup of it. It might balance out though cause I didn’t finish the rest of my smoothie. Here’s the recipe:
- 2 cups milk
- 1 1/2 cups marble cheese
- 3 tbsp flour
- 4 tbsp margarine
- Garlic powder and black pepper
- 6 strips bacon
- One box of smart fuselli pasta
Total calories is 652
Nothing to report here. I ended up not being at my job long like I had hoped.
Today wasn’t a good day for me. My depression got the best of me today. Sometimes this happens though as I am human. I hope tomorrow I can perk up a little bit and maybe actually start doing things. But I’m not here to report me being fake happy so this is my reality right now.